New Dad Blog: Diaper DummyRyan, Tidewaterparent.com Blogger
Ryan, Tidewaterparent.com Blogger
The pregnancy just hit its 15th week, and even if there was still a while to go, it seemed time to start stocking up on diapers. After all, we’ll need something to put in that fancy diaper bag (and the hands-free, air-tight diaper pail) that I’m sure we’ll have before too long.
So on a mid-Sunday afternoon, disgusted by the pitiful performance of my favorite football team, I cut out a couple of coupons from my Sunday Pilot and went to Walmart. (It dawned on me to to pick up some baby powder to send to my team after that butt whooping they just took).
I was going solo on this trip because my poor wife was fighting a virus on top of her prolonged battle with morning sickness. Remember in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” the line “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings”? With my wife, it’s every time someone says the word “banana,” she vomits. Preggie pops can only do so much for that — we had to go full on prescription strength.
Now I had prepared for buying these diapers. I talked to friends. I read the Baby Bargains book. I knew the differences between name brand and store brands and what’s a good cost per diaper. I knew not to get too many newborn diapers because the baby may grow out of them quickly. I even knew about the umbilical cord cut-out.
But as I’ve said before, as a new dad, I’m inherently an idiot.
So I’m in the baby section, and I see the 40-packs of diapers. Newborn size, check. Umbilical cut-out, check. Qualifying item for my coupon, check. Proceed to check-out.
Standing in a 25-minute line to the cash register, I start reviewing my items. Upper right corner, just passed the adorable newborn baby model on the package, this word jumps out at me.
Then I read, “Up to 14 lbs.”
“14-lb newborn, that’s a jumbo baby,” I thought. “My baby is only 15-weeks old. I have no idea how big he or she will be. Better put these back.”
Then I look at the other package and see “Jumbo — up to 10 lbs.”
“Still too big,” I thought. “Most newborns are like 7 lbs.”
So I put them both onto the shelf with the impulse items and proceed to check out with only my Huggies baby wipes left to purchase. And discouraged, I walk out.
Many people are probably already laughing at my stupidity, but if not, I’ll let you in the joke. “Jumbo” refers to the package size, NOT the size of the baby. I learned this on Monday morning from a co-worker who was nice enough not to laugh my ignorant self right to the next Baby Class for Daddys, (which by the way, I am signed up for later next month.)
Seriously, why in the world is the little 40-pack of diapers on the top shelf labeled “jumbo” when the big boxes of 150+ diapers are apparently just boxes? Those boxes should be called “jumbo” packages, or at least do like Starbucks and label the big boxes as “gigantic,” “humongous” or “Freakin’ Mega Shark size.” (I would buy the Mega Shark diapers for sure!)
I’ll admit, maybe a gaffe on my part, but a 14-lb newborn is a pretty huge baby. I think that would qualify as a “jumbo” newborn in my book.
Huggies marketing team, “you’re killing me smalls!” We newbie dads have enough to figure out as it is without feeling like a jumbo-sized moron.
Now I got to go back to the store and pick up a new pack of “jumbo” diapers to start testing on my newborn-baby-sized stuffed monkey.