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Tidewater Parent


Hello, My Name is Mom And I HATE Ranch.

A journey to get my family to stop eating S#@T!

A journey to get my family to stop eating S#@T!

You might ask why I chose to name this blog, I HATE ranch. It is my hope that at the end of this you will take a small amount of pity on me and understand. As America’s favorite condiment, second to ketchup, ranch has been known to provoke taste buds all over the country. I have to say, before today, it was one of my favorites. I was so excited to find a “clean” version of ranch dressing in the lettuce aisle of my local Harris Teeter. Since going clean a few weeks ago, I’ve denied myself dipping rights because of all the yucky stuff in my Hidden Valley version. (But had no problem feeding it to my kids…FAIL!) It was like Christmas coming early when I saw it up on the shelf. Marzetti cracked the code on this product by making a line called Simply Dressed Dressing. The ingredients listed were Canola Oil, Buttermilk, Water, Salted Egg Yolk, Distilled Vinegar, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Sugar, Sea Salt, Garlic, and Onion. Eureka, I recognized all the ingredients — it must be good karma on my side for being so faithful to the plan! Even though it was still high in calories (they have a light version), I figured it would be great to have on hand for the kids and for when my ranch addiction reared its’ ugly head.

You may remember the beautiful Snack Boxes that I posted a picture of yesterday. (Isn’t she a beauty?) Made with love and lots of fresh options, I’ve never been prouder of a Pinterest success in all my life. #nailedit When Stella asked if she could eat her Snack Box in front of the TV, I first answered, “No Ma’am.” After giving it some thought, I relented hoping she would eat more healthy things if she wasn’t hyper-focused on the rainbow of goodness in front of her. It worked! That was until she moved her position from the floor to the couch, in one clumsy and half-hearted motion. The ranch went flying out of her Snack Box (as did the rest of the non-stain producing contents) and splattered all over my couch. I ran to assess the damage and noticed that not only was it all over my cushions, it was dripping down her leg. In a huff, I placed her on the floor, and ran to get back-up (paper towels). When I returned, she was flinging her ranch coated leg all around. That’s right folks, ranch on the couch, ranch on the walls, ranch on the other furniture. I cleaned and I scrubbed, but I still sit on the couch and can smell one thing — RANCH! UGH…I now HATE RANCH!

Other than that, the kids did fine with being denied their beloved goldfish in truckloads. We stuck to the Snack Box plan and I served them fruits (or veggies) with each main meal. My biggest win was getting everyone to try (and some even like) SPAGHETTI SQUASH. If you haven’t cooked with it before, I beg of you to give it a try.


You can cook Spaghetti Squash easily and use it a few different ways. I have cooked one up to serve as a side dish instead of a starch. It is my favorite when used in place of a noodle. Here is how I did my Spaghetti last night.

Spaghetti Squash Noodles:

  • Preheat oven to 400°
  • Cut the squash in half
  • Scoop out the guts (seeds mostly)
  • Rub it sensually with a little Olive Oil
  • Sprinkle with Himalayan Pink Salt and Cracked Pepper
  • Place face down in a shallow baking dish and cook for 35-40 minutes.
  • You will know when it’s ready because it will be tender and will yield noodles when forked. (don’t laugh)




You can serve these noodles with your favorite homemade or store-bought organic and clean tomato sauce. I also like to add some meat to it, ground turkey is my go-to. Serve with a side salad (hold the damn ranch) and VOILA!


Peace, Love and Squash.



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