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Tidewater Parent


Hello, My Name is Mom and There’s a McDonald’s in Hell.

A journey to get my family to stop eating S#!T.

A journey to get my family to stop eating S#!T.


Yesterday, I cooked a beautiful dinner that I prepared in the crockpot earlier in the day! It was a lovely recipe for Garlic and Lemon Chicken with a hint of Rosemary that I found on Pinterest. If we were having a real conversation, you may now ask me how it was and if I would make it again. Here is my answer: “I don’t know we ate McDonald’s for dinner.” (GASP!) You read that right, knowing that I had a simmering pot of deliciousness at home, I went through the drive thru and all my well-laid plans went to hell in a hand basket. You see, I am “trying” to eat clean, just like I try to keep my house clean and try to put all my clothes away as they get folded. The problem is, I’m human and I mess up. On a spontaneous whim, Grandma and I took the kids to Hickory Ridge Farms to get our Fall on. We rode horses, did a hayride, walked the corn maze and we smelled every little item being sold in the Food Truck Rodeo, right outside the entrance. As the beautiful evening went on, I started to stress about what side items I would cook to go along with my Garlic and Lemon Chicken dish. Would we get home tired and hungry and stare at a pot of boiling rice? Would we be forced to watch the timer on some grilled zucchini and squash? Hell-to-the-NO, we would solve all of our problems by swerving off the main road and doing the drive of shame toward the golden arches. I knew it wasn’t right, I felt the pull of the car and my conscience to head on home. The kids thought I was the best Mom ever as they cheered for cheeseburgers and fries. As I ordered my #2, I gave myself a mental high five knowing that I would have no food arguments at the table tonight and no mess to clean up. No mess, accept for the dinner that should have been. We came home with our poison-in-a-bag and the smell of lemon chicken could have knocked you over when the door opened. We finished our synthetic food in silence, and I let my guilt go out with the trash from the wrappers. I tried to do the right thing, and that was better than simply not trying at all.

Tonight, we will enjoy day-old Garlic and Lemon Chicken with a  hint of Rosemary — and it will be DELISH!

Here is how to make it, the true tip is to actually EAT IT!


  • 3 Lemons
  • 4 lb. Chicken
  • Rosemary
  • 1 Head of Garlic
  • Seasoning (Your Choice)


Take the cloves from 1/2 of the head of garlic, a lemon cut in half (ends cut, too) and fresh rosemary and place them on the bottom of the crockpot.



Rinse the chicken and pat it dry. I used a Smart Chicken like the one below.


Make sure the inner cavity is cleared out and then violate the chicken with the remaining garlic and a lemon that has been quartered.


Place the chicken in the crockpot and season with whatever seasoning you prefer. I really like this one from Trader Joe’s!


Place slices from the remaining lemon and more herbs on the top of the chicken. Cook on HIGH for 4 hours.


The last step, where I royally goofed, is to EAT it!

Peace, Love and Forgiveness.


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